(Warning... no real flow to the thoughts below... I am just processing on paper which means no flow)
Now this may be a bit of a shock but I LOVE performing. I don't do it much but every time I think about it or see a big production I just want to be a part of it. Now this is not choir performances such as my choir concerts but MUSICALS, and OPERAS, and things that have a plot/characters/music/etc. I love being able to get out of my comfort shell when i have to be someone else. I love dancing around and being crazy.
I was the lead in 2 musicals in High School and had some other roles in our variety shows and I think that these are my best memories from high school. I also remember watching my sister in an opera here at UNI and wanting SOOOO bad to get to be in something like that someday.
But why haven't I? I know that you have to work your way to the top but when I get assigned a chorus role I just think of all the time that is going to be invested for "just a chorus role" and I think that my time can be better invested somewhere else. Plus what is my motive for wanting to perform? Is it Pride? Attention? Success? Enjoyment? Selfish Gain? Or for God's glory? Now honestly, it is probably for my own selfish desires but I want my heart to purely be desiring to bring God glory and to be a witness to those within the performance who don't know His saving grace and His abounding love and faithfulness.
But now what? Where do I go? I have dropped out of a few operas here at UNI because of time commitment, which gives me the name of 'unreliable' and how do I build this back up? I would LOVE to perform as a career but you can't make any money as a performer (at least at first) and I am going to be the 'monetary support' for Matt and I when he is still in school. And since my MAIN desire is to be a wife and mother who builds a household who loves and honors the Lord, is it even worth trying to pursue these things?
Also, because of my quiet personality, people don't see the passion for these things. So how to I convey it without being given a part first?
I just feel pulled in a million different directions and I don't know which way to go. Overall, I am very humbled tonight and can't decipher where the Lord is wanting me and how He desires me to use the passion for performing that He has given me.
Uhhhh... if only Broadway weren't so far away and didn't consume your entire life! And it were easier to get into.... I'd be there.
Now this may be a bit of a shock but I LOVE performing. I don't do it much but every time I think about it or see a big production I just want to be a part of it. Now this is not choir performances such as my choir concerts but MUSICALS, and OPERAS, and things that have a plot/characters/music/etc. I love being able to get out of my comfort shell when i have to be someone else. I love dancing around and being crazy.
I was the lead in 2 musicals in High School and had some other roles in our variety shows and I think that these are my best memories from high school. I also remember watching my sister in an opera here at UNI and wanting SOOOO bad to get to be in something like that someday.
But why haven't I? I know that you have to work your way to the top but when I get assigned a chorus role I just think of all the time that is going to be invested for "just a chorus role" and I think that my time can be better invested somewhere else. Plus what is my motive for wanting to perform? Is it Pride? Attention? Success? Enjoyment? Selfish Gain? Or for God's glory? Now honestly, it is probably for my own selfish desires but I want my heart to purely be desiring to bring God glory and to be a witness to those within the performance who don't know His saving grace and His abounding love and faithfulness.
But now what? Where do I go? I have dropped out of a few operas here at UNI because of time commitment, which gives me the name of 'unreliable' and how do I build this back up? I would LOVE to perform as a career but you can't make any money as a performer (at least at first) and I am going to be the 'monetary support' for Matt and I when he is still in school. And since my MAIN desire is to be a wife and mother who builds a household who loves and honors the Lord, is it even worth trying to pursue these things?
Also, because of my quiet personality, people don't see the passion for these things. So how to I convey it without being given a part first?
I just feel pulled in a million different directions and I don't know which way to go. Overall, I am very humbled tonight and can't decipher where the Lord is wanting me and how He desires me to use the passion for performing that He has given me.
Uhhhh... if only Broadway weren't so far away and didn't consume your entire life! And it were easier to get into.... I'd be there.
2 comments:
You can do whatever you desire babe. God will use your talent for his glory and it will be amazing. I love you!
-Matt
GOOD PROCESSING!!!
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